An Angel Amongst Us
You start most days by waking up and getting ready for the day. But not today. How's it possible with news like this?
There's simply no true way of knowing what's going on with someone. Josh was one of the funnest guys to be around. Never once did I ever regret hanging out with him. He had this energy you know, like this warm persona that just made you feel welcome and good about yourself at all times. It's almost as if it was his personal mission to make sure you were having a good time while he was around. You don't find too many people like that anymore, someone who's that genuine enough to care. I honestly forget how we ended up meeting but for some reason I'm not sad to be unable to recall that memory because that just means to me that how we met wasn't forced, it just happened as naturally as the sun rises and sets.
We as everyday people sometimes (if ever) forget to stop and take a look around. Just to stop and appreciate the world around us. We do this for multiple reasons, some I know personally about and others I don't. Everyone walks a different path so there's of course no way to know what everyone is dealing with or going through. You know though, it's in times like these that I remember something Robin Williams once said...
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”
That quote always hits home for me, because it's true. Anyone that actually cares for you wants to make damn certain that you're alright because they know what it means to feel otherwise.
April 27, 2018 outside of The Merry Widow was the last time I got to see Josh. It seemed like a normal enough night even though going out isn't really much on my radar anymore, not that it was his either. But on this night, this night in April a bunch of us went out for a special occasion. Too Far From Amsterdam was playing, a band we all know and love that originated in our latter High School years. Walking into that dim lit bar (late, as always) I spotted a few friends from the past and made my rounds to them to give out hugs and kisses. But it's funny because I remember the exact moment Josh and I spotted each other because our faces went from normal to "HEYYYYYYY". Josh lept off the chair he was sitting in to run over and give me the biggest hug ever. It's like we hadn't seen each other in years although it had probably been a month or so. But that was Josh once again, making you feel like the best possible version of yourself. There was no guilt trip for not having seen him in a while, just a loving face of a friend happy to see you and a hug to seal the confirmation of it all.
God, his hugs really were the best. He was an angel among us and didn't even know it.
After the show was over we all went outside to talk and catch up. Conversation was everywhere, there was no keeping up with it all. But in the middle of it Josh reached over and touched my shoulder. He did so to get my attention, because lets face it, I'm deaf and we all know it by now. He looked at me and asked "Chesleigh, do you drive a black Prius looking car?". Tbh I was a little taken off guard because seldom to people stop me to talk about my car. But after moments of processing what he said I answered with a slow and yet cautious "yeah". Josh I think caught where I was going with this because his face went from confusion to understanding and then he starting laughing. Turns out he was asking about my car because he said he had seen me driving home that day. My face lit up because my first reaction is that someone saw me driving. Don't ask why this makes me happy, it just does. I told him next time to honk or wave or something the next time he saw me. Seeing my friends on the road (or anywhere for that matter) makes me happy.
It's strange the last things we recall talking about. My last conversation was about seeing each other on the road. And as silly as it sounds, I'll never forget it.
Josh, you were are an amazing individual and there won't ever be anyone else like you. Things are going to be tough around here for a while knowing that we won't bump into each other again. But I have faith that one day we will, somewhere nice even. Until then buddy, take care.